The Wild One

So the Florida trip is canceled. I was a little miffed, but I realized that I actually got off easy thanks to the trip cancellation insurance. Then I decided I'd go to Vegas as a Plan B. Before I could hit "purchase" my grandmother calls me to tell me she had a bad feeling about me going away and to stay "round the area" until next month. For those who don't know, my grandmother was the inspiration for The Oracle from the Matrix. So if she dreams about a chicken riding a Now-and-Later down the street then that means a flood or an earthquake is imminent.

Even though I know that makes no sense whatsoever, I've learned throughout the years to just trust it. So I'm staying home for my vacation. But what the hell am I gonna do around here? For a very brief moment I considered going to Wild World. Yes, I still call it that. As far as I'm concerned, besides a coat of paint and a few rides, there haven't been many improvements to that park. So Adventure World/Six Flags America...whatever you wanna call it. I'm not sure if I want to go there.

For starters, the place is ghetto as hell. And this isn't the Ward 3 in me talking either. I'm speaking strictly as a former Southeast-ian when I say that the place should be called Anacostia Park: The Ride! (Old 1990s Anacostia Park, not the new "Millennium Edition" that comes with White people) Either the rides don't work, or they do work and occasionally throw people out of them. I can't count how many times I've been stuck on a ride there or watched a ride break down while I was in line. Nothing says fun like having an employee hand you bottles of water from the emergency access ladder to keep cool on a roller coaster while they wait for the fire department to come get you off.

One of the perks of growing up in DC is that you become a really dark tour guide. "I remember when ____ got shot right over there." The same goes for Adventure World. "Yeah I remember when that girl fell off the Iron Eagle and died. That joint was closed down for like a year and then the next year they just put a bag over the seat so no one could sit in that one." "I remember when one of the rafts flipped over in the rapid ride."

So if you remember stuff like that, then why are you even considering going?

Because I live in DC. Every day is an adventure. Somebody got shot in the face over an iPhone last week. Every time I turn around they're talking about terrorists blowing something up around here. You would think Metrobus and Metrorail fatalities were like shark attacks with the way they calculate them..."____ deaths for every 100,000 riders." Walking into an amusement park without knowing if you'll be rolled out of it on a stretcher is just a part of the game in this city.

The question is whether or not I feel like playing it.