Pootie Tang Politics

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that I can't possibly be the only person who watches the debates just to avoid feeling left out when the "smart people" talk about them later on. When it comes to what's being said, I couldn't care less.

It's not that I'm willfully ignorant when it comes to politics, but quite the opposite. Ignorance is bliss, and what I feel when I think about the political machine in this country is anything but that. No, I'm very much abreast on what's going on, but I just don't care.

There's less than a month to go before the election. Who is this mythological person that I keep hearing about who still doesn't know who they're going to vote for after all of this time? Where the hell have you been for the past year? It's not even that hard to choose. You've read half the book already. You know who Obama is, because he's been President for the last four years. All you really need to do is read the cliffnotes on Romney and go from there.

You'd probably get more definitive information from cliffnotes than an actual debate anyway. "First Question. What is your name?"
"Well it's great to be here in this random city in a swing state. It's an honor to be moderated by you, random person that we only see every four years. Hello to the American people. My favorite Ninja Turtle is Leonardo. Thank you."

The talking heads on the post-debate show would have you believe that it was a strategy for them to dodge all of those questions, but I met quite a few politicians when I interned at the US Capitol one summer. They talk like that normally.
"Good Morning Senator ____."
"Triangle!"
"Uh. Okay. Which floor can I press for you?"
"Picture frame."
"I'm gonna go ahead and push four."

No one is gonna tell you what they're gonna do, because they don't even know. We're not electing a king. We're electing a President and his word means jack shit if Congress doesn't go along with it. And since we're in a two-party system where everyone is either a Blood or a Crip (with a few neutral "My mama said I can't join a gang" Independents scattered about), all we get is a constantly rotating circle of people vying for re-election by doing as little as possible outside of their comfort zone.

That's why I kinda miss Herman Cain. I wouldn't have voted for him, but I liked his relatability. He looked like he was one cholesterol pill away from leaving this Earth, and didn't have time to talk in circles. "Ubeky-beky-stan-stan" will go down in history as the best way to say, "I don't know."

It sure beats the hell out of the Pootie Tang answers we're certain to get over the next few weeks.

Wa-da-tah and Sa-da-tay!