After watching Up and Toy Story 3 with my daughter, I've come to the conclusion that someone over at Pixar is going through something and needs a friend. Pixar is getting darker and darker in the tone of their movies. I remember seeing Toy Story 2 in high school (shut up) and empathizing with the girl cowboy who got ditched by her previous owner and left to rot in a box on the side of the road. As fucked up as that was, the overall movie was still kind of a comedy. My how we've lost our way.
With the exception of Wal-E's heavy handed "save the planet" theme, all of Pixar's movies have been pretty fun to watch. The Incredibles has to be one of my all-time favorite movies, cartoon or otherwise. Imagine my confusion when I sat through "Up." What the hell happened to Pixar's collective life? The first fifteen minutes were like the worst "welcome to reality" for kids that I've ever seen.
"Yeah Billy, if you think you were sad when you found out there was no Santa Claus, wait til 'Up' teaches you about miscarriages, ovarian cancer and the fact that none of your dreams will ever come true."
By the time we actually got to the plot of the movie, I completely understood why the old guy was bitter as hell at the world. He married his childhood sweetheart and NONE of their dreams came true. They had some place they wanted to visit and everytime they saved up enough money to go, some shit would go wrong in their lives. Talk about realistic. Then she had a series of miscarriages and they found out she couldn't have kids. Finally, later in life the old guy finally decides to just throw caution to the wind and take her on their dream trip and what happens? She fucking dies! WTF?
Then you meet the most pathetically optimistic kid on Earth only to learn throughout the course of the movie that neither of his parents give a damn about him. His father left them for another woman and according to his mom, "He only has time for his new family." His mom must have been getting plastered somewhere when he went fundraising by himself downtown and ran into the old man who inadvertently kidnapped him for about a week. Then at the end, after all he'd been through, his dad doesn't even show up for his badge ceremony. His negligent mom is there though and I'm certain that her guidance coupled with his slightly sadistic interest in the duty and honor of the cub scouts that he'll grow up to be that asshole assistant manager at Wendy's or Dairy Queen who makes life hell for anyone who doesn't take the job as seriously as he.
After making it through "Up" I found myself searching for hope at the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels after watching Toy Story 3. Never mind the fact that they just gloss over the fact that half of their toy friends are dead/discarded ("We lost Bo Beep years ago"), they grab life by the balls and shove em down the throats of the poor preschoolers watching it. There is a scene at the end of the movie where all of them are basically on a conveyor belt leading to a fiery incinerator and after a fairly long attempt at escape they all give up, hold hands and embrace their fate.
What the hell are you trying to teach my daughter Pixar? What happened to not going quietly into that goodnight? This isn't the Taliban, it's preschool. I want my daughter to fight, kick and scream in the face of opposition, not hold hands and just say, "Eh, it was a good run." What's your view on old men with candy Pixar? "Obey your thirst?" I mean damn. I was sitting there like, "Okay, they're gonna get out of this one somehow." Then they all just sat there. I won't give away what happens after that, but I'll just say that I was still depressed by the end of the movie.
I saw a trailer for Cars 2 and it didn't have any actual movie footage on it, which leads me to believe that it can only get worse from here. I won't be surprised if one of the cars happens to be a Prius and it suffers from some car version of Parkinson's Disease which causes it to lose to control and accelerate into (and kill) other cars. Either that, or one of them is gonna join up with some extremist religious group and become a car bomb in the Middle East. Anything short of that will really surprise me.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Inside the Actor's Studio
Inside the Actor's Studio....My take
1. What is your favorite word?
Money.
2. What is your least favorite word?
It's a phrase actually. "You owe us money."
3. What turns you on?
Confidence...not arrogance
4. What turns you off?
Intentional ignorance
5. What sound do you love?
That outdoorsy sound...streams, birds chirping, etc
6. What sound do you hate?
Tires screeching
7. What is your favorite curse word?
Damn. It's multipurpose and beautifully accents any word it precedes.
8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Making movies: Writing, directing, acting.
9. What profession would you not like to do?
Anything that involves dealing with customers or the general public.
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
You're the only one who really "got me."
1. What is your favorite word?
Money.
2. What is your least favorite word?
It's a phrase actually. "You owe us money."
3. What turns you on?
Confidence...not arrogance
4. What turns you off?
Intentional ignorance
5. What sound do you love?
That outdoorsy sound...streams, birds chirping, etc
6. What sound do you hate?
Tires screeching
7. What is your favorite curse word?
Damn. It's multipurpose and beautifully accents any word it precedes.
8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Making movies: Writing, directing, acting.
9. What profession would you not like to do?
Anything that involves dealing with customers or the general public.
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
You're the only one who really "got me."
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Cable...It Should be Free
Two months ago I focused my gift of gab toward the good people at the cable company and pulled off what is possibly my greatest Jedi mind trick ever--I got cable for $15. Not just basic cable, I got premium cable along with a Tivo subscription and HD channels. It took about an hour, but I finally convinced them to charge me what it was really worth. I won't share with you how I did it...A bullshit artist never reveals his tricks, but I must say that 800 channels of cable programming at fifteen bucks...
IS STILL A RIP OFF!
I haven't had cable for a while. I mean years. What the hell happened? I don't know what the hell feminist revolution swept through the FCC, but there are shows about Army Wives, Housewives in California, Housewives in Atlanta, Housewives in DC and now there's some really stupid shit called Football and Basketball Wives. What's weird about the latter is that none of them seem to be married. How the hell are you a housewife if
A) You don't stay home
B) Yo ass aint married
I watched one episode and spent the majority of the time trying to figure out why I should take you seriously when you've chosen to define yourself as basically, "The chick that got pregnant by (insert basketball player's name)."
I remember a time when reality shows were things like The Real World and Road Rules. Now granted, those shows had no point either, but what the fuck is this shit about pawnshop owners??? I forget what the show was called, but PAWNSHOPS! Really??? There was a show on about people who go around to storage facilities and bid on stuff that the owners left behind. Who the hell cares? I think that some TV exec is really smelling himself right now. I would if I were him. How good are you that you can get millions of people to watch the most asinine and mundane activities in the world as if it were the damn Superbowl.
Parking Wars, Towing Wars, (that pawnshop show), there's a show about people crabbing, a show about lobstermen, and there is even a damn show about people who cut down trees. It's like A&E is the new PBS for adults. This aint The Electric Company. What the hell?
The Food Network hasn't let me down, except with The Neelys. No real Black couple is that damn lovey dovey all the time. Also, what the hell is up with the Black girl on the other show who has the bad weave? She cooks stuff that Black people don't even eat. Whenever she makes stuff she doesn't even look like she plans on eating it when the cameras cut off. At least Rachel Ray's sprite looking self pretends that the food is good, even though I know she spits that stuff out in her little counter trash bowl as soon as they yell cut.
And what the hell happened to Discovery Health? Damn Oprah. I'm glad you got your "own" network (see what I did there?) but did it have to come at the expense of me actually learning something about the world that does not involve the lame ass people who didn't make it on your show?
When my little two year contract is up, I'm going back to regular TV. I can't conceive of paying regular price for a cable lineup when NONE of the music video channels play music videos anymore. You're telling me that I have to pay extra for MTV6 because MTV 1-5 don't play music videos anymore? Damn I miss The Box.
IS STILL A RIP OFF!
I haven't had cable for a while. I mean years. What the hell happened? I don't know what the hell feminist revolution swept through the FCC, but there are shows about Army Wives, Housewives in California, Housewives in Atlanta, Housewives in DC and now there's some really stupid shit called Football and Basketball Wives. What's weird about the latter is that none of them seem to be married. How the hell are you a housewife if
A) You don't stay home
B) Yo ass aint married
I watched one episode and spent the majority of the time trying to figure out why I should take you seriously when you've chosen to define yourself as basically, "The chick that got pregnant by (insert basketball player's name)."
I remember a time when reality shows were things like The Real World and Road Rules. Now granted, those shows had no point either, but what the fuck is this shit about pawnshop owners??? I forget what the show was called, but PAWNSHOPS! Really??? There was a show on about people who go around to storage facilities and bid on stuff that the owners left behind. Who the hell cares? I think that some TV exec is really smelling himself right now. I would if I were him. How good are you that you can get millions of people to watch the most asinine and mundane activities in the world as if it were the damn Superbowl.
Parking Wars, Towing Wars, (that pawnshop show), there's a show about people crabbing, a show about lobstermen, and there is even a damn show about people who cut down trees. It's like A&E is the new PBS for adults. This aint The Electric Company. What the hell?
The Food Network hasn't let me down, except with The Neelys. No real Black couple is that damn lovey dovey all the time. Also, what the hell is up with the Black girl on the other show who has the bad weave? She cooks stuff that Black people don't even eat. Whenever she makes stuff she doesn't even look like she plans on eating it when the cameras cut off. At least Rachel Ray's sprite looking self pretends that the food is good, even though I know she spits that stuff out in her little counter trash bowl as soon as they yell cut.
And what the hell happened to Discovery Health? Damn Oprah. I'm glad you got your "own" network (see what I did there?) but did it have to come at the expense of me actually learning something about the world that does not involve the lame ass people who didn't make it on your show?
When my little two year contract is up, I'm going back to regular TV. I can't conceive of paying regular price for a cable lineup when NONE of the music video channels play music videos anymore. You're telling me that I have to pay extra for MTV6 because MTV 1-5 don't play music videos anymore? Damn I miss The Box.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
A Message From Superman
My Fellow Americans,
For years I have lived among you as your protector, Superman. I've saved you from outside threats, natural disasters and, sadly, from each other. The demands of being Superman are greater than even I can withstand, so I have long kept secret my alternate persona. It provided me with an escape from the demands of the job and allowed me to have a life of my own from time to time.
For years I've retreated to being Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for The Daily Planet, whenever possible. Why am I revealing this today? Well, no enterprise was hit as hard during the recession as the printed newspaper industry. The internet is kryptonite to the newspaper world and the iPad was basically the nail in the coffin. Less than a week after the announcement of the iPad 2, my entire department was laid off. Having no marketable skills outside of journalism, I've had little luck finding another permanent job.
There were a few temp jobs here and there but each of them ended unfavorably as I could not explain my frequent absences from my desk, extended breaks and general tardiness. Being Superman has made Clark Kent impossible to maintain. I was recently evicted for failure to pay rent and, lest I become one of the very criminals that I work so hard to stop, something has to change. And I'm starting with the dissolution of Clark Kent.
I'm pleased to announce that Superman is going public. Consider this my IPO as I enter the world of private contracting. My service to the public will continue to be free, however the hours will be scaled back for a while. Effective immediately I'm available for a variety of private sector services.
Construction
The average building project takes a year. Cranes and bulldozers are designed to mimic human arms on a grander scale but they lack the finesse which is why it takes so long to get a building up. Well, I can lift more steel beams than any crane in existence and my speed is rivaled only by light. Imagine your skyscraper going from blueprint to finished product in ten minutes. I'm talking foundation, structure, electrical, plumbing and furnishing in just ten minutes. I can even import your luxury desks directly from the factory regardless of which continent it's on.
Freight Delivery
Imagine your entire product line sitting on a dock for a day waiting to be loaded onto a cargo ship where it'll take another week or two to reach its destination. Sound familiar? Not only can I take your container directly to its final destination, I can carry the whole ship and drop off every crate.
Space Exploration
Billions of tax dollars go into NASA each year and every year we get the same piss poor results: Delayed shuttle launches, problems with the Hubble Telescope and maybe a set of napkins get delivered to the space station. For half of NASA's annual budget, I'll fly up anything you have and I'll even assemble the space station myself.
Maps
I've saved the best for last. Prior to this press conference, I did a few laps around the Earth. Using my Xray vision, I took the liberty of drawing a few maps. Map number one is the location of every major undiscovered oil field on the planet. Number two is the location and depth of every single diamond, gold and silver mine that hasn't been tapped and number three is the location of every weapon of mass destruction. The bidding will begin at $50 billion per map. I only accept Paypal.
Thank you, Goodnight and God Bless the United States of America.
For years I have lived among you as your protector, Superman. I've saved you from outside threats, natural disasters and, sadly, from each other. The demands of being Superman are greater than even I can withstand, so I have long kept secret my alternate persona. It provided me with an escape from the demands of the job and allowed me to have a life of my own from time to time.
For years I've retreated to being Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for The Daily Planet, whenever possible. Why am I revealing this today? Well, no enterprise was hit as hard during the recession as the printed newspaper industry. The internet is kryptonite to the newspaper world and the iPad was basically the nail in the coffin. Less than a week after the announcement of the iPad 2, my entire department was laid off. Having no marketable skills outside of journalism, I've had little luck finding another permanent job.
There were a few temp jobs here and there but each of them ended unfavorably as I could not explain my frequent absences from my desk, extended breaks and general tardiness. Being Superman has made Clark Kent impossible to maintain. I was recently evicted for failure to pay rent and, lest I become one of the very criminals that I work so hard to stop, something has to change. And I'm starting with the dissolution of Clark Kent.
I'm pleased to announce that Superman is going public. Consider this my IPO as I enter the world of private contracting. My service to the public will continue to be free, however the hours will be scaled back for a while. Effective immediately I'm available for a variety of private sector services.
Construction
The average building project takes a year. Cranes and bulldozers are designed to mimic human arms on a grander scale but they lack the finesse which is why it takes so long to get a building up. Well, I can lift more steel beams than any crane in existence and my speed is rivaled only by light. Imagine your skyscraper going from blueprint to finished product in ten minutes. I'm talking foundation, structure, electrical, plumbing and furnishing in just ten minutes. I can even import your luxury desks directly from the factory regardless of which continent it's on.
Freight Delivery
Imagine your entire product line sitting on a dock for a day waiting to be loaded onto a cargo ship where it'll take another week or two to reach its destination. Sound familiar? Not only can I take your container directly to its final destination, I can carry the whole ship and drop off every crate.
Space Exploration
Billions of tax dollars go into NASA each year and every year we get the same piss poor results: Delayed shuttle launches, problems with the Hubble Telescope and maybe a set of napkins get delivered to the space station. For half of NASA's annual budget, I'll fly up anything you have and I'll even assemble the space station myself.
Maps
I've saved the best for last. Prior to this press conference, I did a few laps around the Earth. Using my Xray vision, I took the liberty of drawing a few maps. Map number one is the location of every major undiscovered oil field on the planet. Number two is the location and depth of every single diamond, gold and silver mine that hasn't been tapped and number three is the location of every weapon of mass destruction. The bidding will begin at $50 billion per map. I only accept Paypal.
Thank you, Goodnight and God Bless the United States of America.
Friday, March 11, 2011
It Gets Better...
I was in the grocery store the other day when this older lady cut in front of me as only old people can: She played the "I can barely see and stand up straight" card as she walked right in front of me and put her stuff on the belt. Then she turned around and gave me the, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in line" look. I let it slide because she was old and I plan to do the same thing when I get to her age.
Her stuff came up to 60 bucks and after swiping her EBT card she still had a balance of 20 bucks. The ghetto cashier was very unsympathetic as she told the lady that she still owed her money. The lady kept saying "But my money goes in on the fourth and today is the seventh." The unsympathetic cashier told her that she has nothing to do with that and that she needed twenty dollars. The lady opened her purse and counted out three dollars and told the girl that it was all she had. Being tactless, the girl said, "You still need 17 dollars."
While the cashier went to get the manager to cancel the order, I looked over the lady's purchases. She had a case of Oodles of Noodles, another case of Cup o' Noodle soup, tuna fish and bread. I think the most expensive thing may have been some Tylenol and Alka Seltzer. I don't know what else was in her cart to come up to 60 dollars but the stuff I saw triggered a flashback.
A long time ago in a state far far away...
Her stuff came up to 60 bucks and after swiping her EBT card she still had a balance of 20 bucks. The ghetto cashier was very unsympathetic as she told the lady that she still owed her money. The lady kept saying "But my money goes in on the fourth and today is the seventh." The unsympathetic cashier told her that she has nothing to do with that and that she needed twenty dollars. The lady opened her purse and counted out three dollars and told the girl that it was all she had. Being tactless, the girl said, "You still need 17 dollars."
While the cashier went to get the manager to cancel the order, I looked over the lady's purchases. She had a case of Oodles of Noodles, another case of Cup o' Noodle soup, tuna fish and bread. I think the most expensive thing may have been some Tylenol and Alka Seltzer. I don't know what else was in her cart to come up to 60 dollars but the stuff I saw triggered a flashback.
A long time ago in a state far far away...
POVERTY WARS
Unemployment Strikes Back
Shortly after getting married during our senior year of college, my wife and I had a string of bad financial luck. The school canceled her financial aid a week before classes due to a computer error. I used my savings to pay her tuition for the year so she could finish on time with the mentality that "that's what savings are for, right?" Wrong. A week later our car caught fire and I had no way to get to work so I lost my job. It just so happens that her part time job cut her hours too so we were barely getting enough to pay our $400 a month rent.
We couldn't afford for both of us to catch the bus to school, so I got her a monthly bus pass while I walked the five miles to and from school everyday...walking down the highway to avoid the trek through the "gangland" projects. Even with that, we still only had enough to buy ten dollars worth of groceries every week. We applied for food stamps but were told that because I didn't work at all and she didn't have a consistent 20 hours per week we didn't qualify. So being too poor to even get food stamps, we had to make due with $10 a week for groceries.
We ate a lot of oodles of noodles, cup o noodle soups and jelly sandwiches. You know you're poor when you make meals with oodles of noodles. My favorite was oodles of noodles stir fried with onions, bell peppers, lunch meat and soy sauce. You haven't been poor until you've pretended not to be hungry so that the other person can have double portions of a 10 cent pack of ramen noodles.
Things got worse before they got better, but the point of this blog is...they got better. I'm now in a place where I don't have to eat ramen noodles and I can afford to shop in the grocery store on the expensive side of town. I can afford to buy whatever I want from the store and more importantly, I can afford to hand a cashier twenty bucks to pay for a woman's groceries who is in the same position that I was in not too long ago.
So as the lady told me thank you, the cashier asked "are you f'ing serious?" and the manager said, "God will bless you for it," I simply responded, "He already has. Take care ma'am."
So Now You're Back From Outer Space...
Dear cold,
Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I...I will survive. Oh as long as I can self-medicate, I know I'll stay alive.
Okay, so it's been a while. I went to a baby shower where someone (either the host and hostess, the kid of the host and hostess or one of the guests) had the bubonic plague. Each of the aforementioned revealed that they just got over some serious bug at the baby shower. It doesn't matter who gave it to me, I'm just glad it's over.
I got sick, the baby got sick and then about three days later my wife got sick. The baby and I took pity on the wife and sat really close to her on her birthday thinking that she had what we'd just gotten over. Turns out we were wrong. The wife got better and then the baby got sick again...and shortly afterward, I got sick.
All is well now. The baby is getting better and I...well it doesn't matter how the parent feels. To the baby, I'm just that guy who brings her food and changes her diaper.
Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I...I will survive. Oh as long as I can self-medicate, I know I'll stay alive.
Okay, so it's been a while. I went to a baby shower where someone (either the host and hostess, the kid of the host and hostess or one of the guests) had the bubonic plague. Each of the aforementioned revealed that they just got over some serious bug at the baby shower. It doesn't matter who gave it to me, I'm just glad it's over.
I got sick, the baby got sick and then about three days later my wife got sick. The baby and I took pity on the wife and sat really close to her on her birthday thinking that she had what we'd just gotten over. Turns out we were wrong. The wife got better and then the baby got sick again...and shortly afterward, I got sick.
All is well now. The baby is getting better and I...well it doesn't matter how the parent feels. To the baby, I'm just that guy who brings her food and changes her diaper.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
What'd You Hit?
Another random memory:
Moral of the story: Buy a Mercedez.
Story:
One day me and my then-girlfriend were hanging out on campus when her friend Kelly (name changed to protect the innocent/guilty) offered us a ride back to my apartment. We hopped in and drove maybe a block before we started having a conversation about Kelly's shitty day. She'd just got back from her three hour trip home where she met a barrage of fucked up things: Her doctor told her she had a urinary tract infection, she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her and she got two separate speeding tickets.
Not able to come up with anything else, I tried to comfort her with "it could be worse." She replied, "Today was fucked up, how the hell could it possibly be any worse." While that sentence was leaving her mouth, my face turned white. She was the kind of angry driver who would turn all the way around to look at the asshole backseat passenger who just said something that pissed her off. She turned around just in time to see exactly why my face went blank...A Mercedes Benz was sitting double parked in front of us while we were speeding down the street at about 50 mph.
CRASH!
It was like something out of cartoon where one character says something and then lightning strikes them. Her little 2001 Ford balled up like a soda can. The hood crushed in to the point that it shattered the windshield. The front doors couldn't open at all and the back doors opened just enough for me to slide out and onto the ground. I pulled those two through the back windows and we sat on the ground until the ambulance came.
The paramedics radioed for the fire department to come asap. The engine supports gave way and the entire engine block was sitting on the ground. Gas was leaking everywhere and the car was smoking. Luckily the fire truck came in time to throw down sand and some other mixture to keep the gas from igniting. That's when someone said, "We need to call the cops, this was a hit and run."
"What? No it wasn't."
"Well, then where is the other car?"
That's when this elderly Black gentleman climbed out of his 1980-ish Mercedez Benz and explained to the paramedics that his car was the second car involved in the accident. I don't remember everything that he said, but I remember one EMT calling out to the other one, "Hey, come here. You're not gonna believe this shit...this is the car that they hit!"
There was a single scratch about three inches long on the rear bumper on the Mercedez. Other than that, there was ZERO damage. As the police arrived, the two cops asked Kelly, "Can you describe the other vehicle that fled the scene?" That's when the fireman eagerly shouted, "Guess what..."
Six emergency personnel had a field day laughing and touching the Mercedes. A few of them took pictures of both cars. Kelly's had the engine sitting on the ground and was declared a total loss, while the Mercedez (that was rammed at 50mph with ZERO braking) had a single three inch scratch. The old guy got in his car, told us not to worry about the scratch and said that he hoped we were all okay...and drove off. After talking to the insurance company and getting checked out by the EMTs, we each walked to the bus stop to catch the bus.
The moral of the story...buy a Mercedes. Oh, and never ask how things could be worse.
Moral of the story: Buy a Mercedez.
Story:
One day me and my then-girlfriend were hanging out on campus when her friend Kelly (name changed to protect the innocent/guilty) offered us a ride back to my apartment. We hopped in and drove maybe a block before we started having a conversation about Kelly's shitty day. She'd just got back from her three hour trip home where she met a barrage of fucked up things: Her doctor told her she had a urinary tract infection, she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her and she got two separate speeding tickets.
Not able to come up with anything else, I tried to comfort her with "it could be worse." She replied, "Today was fucked up, how the hell could it possibly be any worse." While that sentence was leaving her mouth, my face turned white. She was the kind of angry driver who would turn all the way around to look at the asshole backseat passenger who just said something that pissed her off. She turned around just in time to see exactly why my face went blank...A Mercedes Benz was sitting double parked in front of us while we were speeding down the street at about 50 mph.
CRASH!
It was like something out of cartoon where one character says something and then lightning strikes them. Her little 2001 Ford balled up like a soda can. The hood crushed in to the point that it shattered the windshield. The front doors couldn't open at all and the back doors opened just enough for me to slide out and onto the ground. I pulled those two through the back windows and we sat on the ground until the ambulance came.
The paramedics radioed for the fire department to come asap. The engine supports gave way and the entire engine block was sitting on the ground. Gas was leaking everywhere and the car was smoking. Luckily the fire truck came in time to throw down sand and some other mixture to keep the gas from igniting. That's when someone said, "We need to call the cops, this was a hit and run."
"What? No it wasn't."
"Well, then where is the other car?"
That's when this elderly Black gentleman climbed out of his 1980-ish Mercedez Benz and explained to the paramedics that his car was the second car involved in the accident. I don't remember everything that he said, but I remember one EMT calling out to the other one, "Hey, come here. You're not gonna believe this shit...this is the car that they hit!"
There was a single scratch about three inches long on the rear bumper on the Mercedez. Other than that, there was ZERO damage. As the police arrived, the two cops asked Kelly, "Can you describe the other vehicle that fled the scene?" That's when the fireman eagerly shouted, "Guess what..."
Six emergency personnel had a field day laughing and touching the Mercedes. A few of them took pictures of both cars. Kelly's had the engine sitting on the ground and was declared a total loss, while the Mercedez (that was rammed at 50mph with ZERO braking) had a single three inch scratch. The old guy got in his car, told us not to worry about the scratch and said that he hoped we were all okay...and drove off. After talking to the insurance company and getting checked out by the EMTs, we each walked to the bus stop to catch the bus.
The moral of the story...buy a Mercedes. Oh, and never ask how things could be worse.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I'm sick
I went to a baby shower over the weekend where the guests of honor nonchalantly revealed that they each (and their kid) just got over a serious cold/virus. One of the guests hugged me and my kid about ten minutes before telling me that he had the stomach flu. One of these people is the Outbreak Monkey that gave me whatever I have right now. Can't eat, can't breathe, head hurts, I'm the opposite of whatever the room temperature is...I feel like shit. With that said...
I won't be posting for a while. Have a good one.
I won't be posting for a while. Have a good one.
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