Dear Somalian Pirates,
I'm very disappointed in you guys. I think you're selling yourselves short. You guys used to hijack entire cargo ships. Last week you "captured" four old White people in a boat. Ooooh Aaaah. What the hell was that, the Associates Degree in pirating? If you're going to achieve your goal of being like Captain Jack Sparrow, Cap'n Crunch or whoever the hell you're trying to be like out on the open seas, then I'm going to need you to step it up a level because you failed last week's test.
Don't fret, there's a makeup test. I want you to go for the gold and do the PhD of pirating...
Go capture a Carnival cruise ship full of Black people. You go do that and you'll have my complete admiration and respect. I want to see you take your punk ass machine gun and your little rope ladder and ascend the rungs onto the fantastic voyage. Go on out there in your motorized inflatable raft and head toward the sound of Earth, Wind and Fire.
Even Al Qaeda avoided Southwest Airlines on 9/11 and Bin Laden could've saved a ton of money on airfare. That means that you could be the first to capture Olympic Gold! I believe in you little Somalian. Now go out there and be somebody!
Hysterically brilliant!
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