For Sale
One baby girl. Two teeth. Shots are up to date. Able to walk when assisted by the couch, table or chair. Has recently figured out how to push the natural barriers (playpen, ottoman) out of the way and crawl into areas where she doesn't belong (kitchen, bathroom). Also knows how to pick up valuable items (iPhone, Macbook, Internet Router) and slam them to the ground while leaving cheaper, less important items alone (toy cell phone, toy laptop, stuffed animals).
Accepting best offer. If offer is high enough owner will throw in all toys that the child seems not to want to play with like the $80 jumper, $50 activity desk, $60 swing. Owner will charge you however for all toys that the child ironically does want to play with...$2 toy keys, $1 empty baby bottle, free cardboard box.
Caution: Child bites (literally). Uncertain of what precious metal the child's teeth are made out of, but they are able to draw blood. Buyer beware: the two teeth are the least dangerous part of her dental arsenal. The gums appear to be powered by a hydraulic press. Fractured fingers are possible.
Reserve Price: $100. While it is illegal to sell children, it is completely legal to sell Mogwais (aka gremlins). This mogwai is defective in that it does not turn green when fed after midnight and despite my best efforts...bright light does not seem to affect it or calm it down in any way. I cannot say what effect water has on it as it will not allow me to give it a bath. Holding Holy Water up in front of it only makes it laugh.
Shipping: This item is for pick up only. Placing the baby/mogwai in the car has only yielded negative results (crying, throwing things, screaming)
Please leave any additional questions in the comment field.
Lmao!!!
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