Girl Power

So yesterday I found myself in Toys R Us with my daughter again and it went surprisingly well. The first time I took her in there people just laughed at me like, "What a noob. You don't take kids in a toy store." Back then she was on her "Rose from Titanic" thing trying to jump out of the cart to get back to the Elmo aisle (You jump, I jump). This time, however, I was proud as hell.

I explained to her a long time ago that Elmo, Mickey and everyone else she sees actually live in the toy store and if we were to take them home then it'd be kidnapping. Now I don't know how much of that she actually internalized (more than likely, none of it) but she happily played with every toy I handed her in the cart and as we got close to the register she started handing me toys to put back on the shelf. She even waved goodbye to them. (My parenting DVD will be on sale starting Friday for just $9.99)

Yesterday was a learning experience on all fronts. I went in there for a toy baby stroller so that she could stop pushing the real one around the house. I realized yesterday that I've never actually been down the "girl side" of a toy store before. All of the little kid toys are usually in the unisex preschool section. Toy strollers fall into the doll baby category and things in that category are kept in the Land of Estrogen. It's a world that I never ventured into before.

As a little boy, you stay in the action figure section. Everything is dark and blue and manly. Even things like yo-yo's and rubiks cubes have explosions and guns on the packaging. So when the guy pointed me in the direction of a Barbie endcap, I found myself picking up a Nerf bat for protection.

I don't know if the stuff I saw was new or something they've been selling for years but there are a lot of "women of the night" play kits in those aisles. There's makeup and fake fingernails, Hello Kitty hooker galoshes and even realistic looking doll babies. I saw one that potty trains and pees. No wonder girls are more mature. That would be like GI Joe coming with an amputation kit and a coffin draped with a miniature American flag. What the hell man?

I wasn't alone in my confusion. I saw two men on separate aisles looking just as disturbed and lost as I was. Both of them were looking at a piece of paper which lets me know that some little girl gave them a list of what they wanted and they have no clue what or where the hell it is. I found the stroller I was looking for and followed my bread crumb trail back to civilization.

[caption id="attachment_2196" align="alignnone" width="604"] I dropped my masculinity in there somewhere, but I'm too afraid to go back and get it.[/caption]