GodWorld

I cannot believe in a god who wants to be praised all of the time. (Nietzsche)

My wife shared this quote with me today and immediately my insane train of thought took off. One of my beliefs as an agnostic is that god--in whatever form--is just too powerful and too "godly" to be swayed by someone's devotion. In my opinion, it's more of a humility builder for us than a pep rally for God. I think that whatever deity exists could care less if you pray, praise or thumb your nose his/her/its direction. But what if I'm wrong. What if God were a glory hog?

I could see God holding his own version of MacWorld every year. It would be held in a big convention center somewhere and people would sleep on the street to get tickets. There would be exhibits and the different religions would have booths set up. Of course, God would deliver the keynote address. I'm not sure who would bring him onto the stage. Maybe Jesus, maybe Muhammad. My money is on Jesus because he'd be more entertaining. Kind of like a magic show. He could multiply some fish, turn everyone's Deer Park bottle into a champagne. Maybe bring out a water tank and tap dance on it. Anyway, at the end of his opening act, he could say...

And now, the man that you all came to see. He hails from heaven! He is the inspiration behind three of the best selling books in history (Torah, Koran, Bible). GodWorld, put your hands together for the Alpha, the Omega, the one and only Goooooooood!

Then God would come out from behind the curtain--or they could do an Arsenio Hall thing with the vertical sheet of glass and funk band--and he would walk out with one of those headset mics. He'd have on a black shirt like Steve Jobs and instead of the Apple Logo in the back, it'd just be an atom or something.

Thank you, thank you! Please (thunderous applause). You're too kind (more applause). You know, when we first launched the Adam 1 millenia ago, people thought that I was crazy. They said 'God this will never work.' Then came Eve. Today, there are over seven billion people populating the planet. (applause) Wait until you see what we've got in store off-planet.

Then God would announce some new inhabited planet that he's been working on for the past year and everyone would go crazy. Shares of God would soar in the market and He'd be on every magazine cover for weeks to come. Then there'd be a flood or something somewhere and the tabloids would be abuzz saying God was falling off.