God grant me the serenity to...scratch that. God, please give me the strength to walk three miles to this little girl's school, and, when I get there, please bless her with a pleasant disposition that matches the reward she's going to get tonight in the form of me walking around the neighborhood begging strangers for candy. Lord, let not her heart be full of "three-year-old-isms" that cause me to regret spending the last week going from Halloween store to Halloween store, which is incredibly tedious when you don't have a car, all in the name of finding her a costume. And Lord, heal her feet which I'm certain she'll claim are too tired to walk from her school to the Metro. For whatever reason, the minute she sees me she instantly becomes unable to walk four feet without wanting me to pick her up. And if it be your will, may we not have any parent-child altercations that make me say "Forget it, we're not doing anything tonight" thus hurting myself in the process, because all of this will have been for naught.
Amen.
When I was little, Halloween was the ish. I couldn't wait to go make my rounds. My daughter doesn't even know the holiday exists. She's three and kind of...above this whole childhood thing. This is one I wish I could blame on Co-parent, but it's my doing. You see, like me, she suffers from motivation-deficit-disorder. If there's no incentive to care, then she doesn't. Brace yourself...she's never had candy before. I'll give you a minute to digest that.
By the time I was five, I had a mouth full of dice. I've responsible for more dentist retirements than anyone else in the eastern US. So, when she was born, Co-parent and I made a pact that she'd never know about candy or sugar or fast food until it was absolutely necessary. We kinda treated it like adoption. "She doesn't need to know. Apples are her candy now." Don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those parents. You know, the kind who feel like kids should only drink agave nectar-sweetened beverages and eat less than 1 gram of fat a day. That's not me at all.
I truly believe in my daughter's God given right to eat after midnight and wreak havoc on the town with all of the other gremlins hopped up on sugar. Just not now. Give it time. Let me enjoy having a sweet, loveable child as long as possible. Then when the time is right she can turn into a caffeinated hellion. I'm the same one who has her thinking that those 39 cent toys from Party City are high quality AND believing that Toys R Us and Target are places people go to play with toys INSIDE the store only. Whenever we get to the register she hands me the toys back by default.
I know that this world will eventually come crashing down, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts. Still, this all presents a problem tonight. How do I convince her to leave my side to go retrieve candy from complete strangers when she has no interest in it whatsoever. I really want her to experience Halloween and trick or treating. Okay, I'm lying. I really want some Reese Cups for myself, and I don't want to buy them. They taste better when they're free (and after they've been in the freezer for a minute). I'll figure something out.
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