Now that I've gotten that selfishness out of my system, my daughter has requested that I remember why I'm really here:
Happy Birthday to HER!
Debbie Downer informed me a while ago that sharing a birthday sucks. "You'll never get to have the day to yourself or go somewhere without looking selfish." I disagree.
If I had to summarize the 500 posts that I've written into one theme, it'd be this: I've had a very interesting life so far. It hasn't been short on drama, I can tell you that. Considering that my third grade teacher started making sense when she repeatedly told me that I was an unwanted pregnancy, it's completely understandable that, by 14, I'd cut most of my emotions off. There was a time when I felt absolutely nothing and looked forward to absolutely nothing.
Well, that last part isn't true. I daydreamed a lot. It was the only thing that kept me going at times. It probably wasn't healthy, but I used to imagine having a wife and tons of kids. I used to say that I wanted 15 but would settle for 5. Some people make the mistake of having kids so that they'll have a guaranteed person to love them. I was the opposite. I wasn't looking for someone to love me, but for someone to love.
The years went on and I got married but we couldn't seem to have a kid. By 25, I'd been married four years and was supposed to be on my kid number three or four. It hurt when more and more people started having kids, ESPECIALLY the ones who didn't even want them. I never really made peace with the reality that we couldn't have kids, but I learned to deal with it. Then one day it happened.
The fact that it happened on my birthday made it all the more special. Same day of the week, same day of the year, same hospital...as me. As corny as it sounds, my daughter really is a dream come true. No I didn't end up having 15, but I rolled all that love into one and I show it to her every single day. Whereas I once learned to cut off my emotions, I can't control all of the emotion that surges through me everyday.
I've never loved anything or anyone as much as I love this little girl, and I've tried my best to write about it, but words just fall short. She is the sunrise after a very long night. I am so thankful for her, and I wouldn't change a single thing about my life because it all led up to her.
I love you baby and Happy Birthday!
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Happy Birthday to us![/caption]
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