Dear Metro

Dear Metro,

(Curse word) (Curse word)(Curse word)(Curse word)(Curse word)(Curse word)(Curse word)(Curse word)(Curse word)!

Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Yesterday was very stressful for me. I had to rehash some things that are already unpleasant and extremely challenging, so by 4:30 my brain had decided to go home early for the day. Riding around with co-parent, I was unable to even remember how to get to my daughter's daycare. I saw the infamous K Street traffic in front of me as I made a wrong turn and realized that I was just one more bad thing away from having a Michael Douglas "Falling Down" moment. I pulled over, told her that I was gonna walk the rest of the way, and we'd see her tomorrow.

Walking is my go-to stress reliever. Many a crisis has been averted thanks to a long walk. So, I walked about eight blocks to the daycare and picked up mini-me. We walked another eight blocks from there to the subway where we made a mad dash through the station to catch the mythical train that was supposed to be coming in 2 minutes. It was only after I paid to go through the gate that I noticed the million man march gathering on the platform.

My daughter doesn't do crowds, and to her credit, there were a lot of people making even me concerned about being just one nudge away from a 750 volt rail. Three minutes later, I realized that the sign was still stuck at two minutes. A woman explained to me that it had been that way for at least ten. It was now 5:06 and all of the cubicle monkeys were fleeing their cages. The station was really packed now. My daughter lost her cool. Cue: meltdown.

The train arrived mid-meltdown and wouldn't you know it, it was packed. No one made it on or off. I didn't even try. I was having a hard enough time managing the expectations of the people who thought they could attempt to trample me as I carried mini-me and not feel the wrath of the folded metal umbrella stroller. They erased the times for the next train arrivals. Apparently there was a power outage at another station, so...yeah.

We left, which, as any Washingtonian can tell you, still costs you money even if you didn't actually go anywhere. I considered catching the bus, but that idea was scrapped when I saw 200 pissed off people have the exact same idea. So... I put her in the stroller and started walking. A nice clock in front of a bank told me that it was 101 degrees outside. I doubt it was that cool. We stuck to the shadows like the Batmen we are, and every two blocks I made my daughter drink some water.

There's an old saying in DC that I just made up that goes: Once you've walked half the distance to your destination and the bus still hasn't come...you might as well walk the rest of the way.

And that's exactly what I did. I walked 4.3 miles...uphill...in church shoes. And I sang Black or White the entire way because that is my daughter's new favorite song and seeing her do the head twist and shoulder shake movements from the end of the video was the only thing letting me know that she wasn't having a heat stroke.  It didn't even occur to me that yesterday was the anniversary of Michael's return back to Neverland or wherever the hell he ended up. Wherever he is, I like to imagine that they have a desert there and he's in the middle of it still having a dance-off with that claymation bunny from the Speed Demon video.