Unslumping Yourself Is Not Easily Done

I've been pretty down the last few days and it all came to a head today. If I can be dramatic for a minute, I feel like I'm in a Greek tragedy. I spent my entire life trying to avoid ending up like some of the adults around me and it seems like my efforts to avoid it just steered me in that direction. It hurts when you find out that it takes a lot more than an oar and a moral compass to navigate life's waters.

Sometimes I try to catch myself when I realize that I'm "sorry-ing for myself." Other times I just let it go. Today was one of those days. You know how it is when you start feeling down. Eventually you jump sides and start speaking for the prosecution inside your head when you should be on the defense. I started thinking about all that's happened and the extent of my failures. Then I got on the subject of my daughter.

More than anything in life, I just want to be a good father. I wondered if maybe staying home for three years was a mistake. Would she have been better off in daycare. She seems to be doing so well there and I can see an immediate improvement in her social skills. As crazy as it sounds, I started thinking that maybe nothing special came from my staying home with her. That thought combined with my reflecting on all of the craziness that's been going on since the year started lead me to think: I've failed. What am I doing with my life? Where am I going. Do I even know what I'm doing? Is this a chance to start my life over or am I deluding myself?

Just then, I heard a very loud "English as a second language" voice coming from the living room:

CONGRATULATION! Today is your day. You're off to gweat pwaces. You're off and away. You have bwains in your head and feet in your shoe. You can steer yourself any direction you chew. You're on your own and you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who decide where to go.

I crept down the hall and found her sitting on the couch reading her second favorite book, "Oh the Places You'll Go!" I don't know if it was just the sight of her reading a book that she'd memorized thanks to me reading it 50 times a day or if it was the perfect timing of picking that book at that moment, but I felt better immediately. I remained hidden on the other side of the wall as I listened to my motivational speaker.

I sorry to say but sadly it true that bang ups and hang ups can happen to you...
All a-wone whether you like it or not. A-wone will be something you'll be quite a lot...And will you succeed? YES!!!!! You will indeed. Ninety eight and thwee quarts GUARANTEED! Kid, you'll move mountains!

You're off to gweat pwaces. Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting so get on your way!

You know what? I feel better. She sure as hell didn't learn that in daycare.