Taxi!

I'm gonna open up my own Black cab company. They say that if you see a need you should create a business to fill it. Well, after watching this Black guy stand out on the corner trying to hail a cab to no avail, I'm going into business. It's not that I have anything against cab drivers in this city. The way they've been robbing, shooting and killing cab drivers, I can't blame them for being afraid. When I open up my company I plan to racially profile too, but I'm going to do it right.

First and foremost, I'm gonna do just like Dominos used to do back in the day.
What address? Oh we don't go over there.

Secondly, my entire cab will be bulletproof. From the run-flat tires to the bulletproof escape hatch I'm gonna install for my ejection seat (think: fighter jet), you'll need a rocket launcher to put a dent in my cab. I'm going to install one of those bulletproof turnstiles like they have at all the ghetto Popeyes so that you can pay me. There will be no hopping out without paying either, because the doors won't have handles and bulletproof windows don't roll down. The only way to get out is to put your money in the door like a soda machine or something. I know that in case of an emergency that might not seem to be too safe, but then again neither is walking through the hood late at night, so choose your battles. I'm sorry that it has to come to this but I'm not gonna be a statistic. I could avoid the business altogether, but the people need it. Let me tell you a story:

Once upon a time I had heart surgery. Contrary to what you see on television, not all hospitals wheel you to the door and put you in a cab. I signed out and me and my wife went outside to catch a cab. It was around lunchtime on a workday so cabs were abundant. About ten passed us by. Finally this white guy walked up and stood about five feet from us and held out his arm. A cab on the other side of the street made a U-turn for him. He motioned for us to take it and the driver pulled off as we walked up. He said, Well that was rude, to which I responded, You aint seen nothing yet.

Another cab stopped and did the same thing. When the third one stopped, he opened the door and pretended he was getting in and then told us to come on. The driver pulled off with the door still open. The White guy said, I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to do but I have to get to a meeting. We thanked him for trying and we got on the subway. Now imagine having heart surgery and then having to walk down the metro's broken escalators to stand and wait ten minutes for a train, walking up the escalators at the other station and then walking a mile home from the station. That's what I did and it hurt like hell the whole way home but not as bad as the feeling of a cab after cab blatantly refusing to even stop for you.

So yeah, my cab company's gonna be different.