Midday Update: Hug Yourself

***Midday Update***

I feel  like a horrible parent. I didn't get much sleep last night and my daughter woke up earlier than usual. My head hurts and I feel sick, which seems to be my default setting in the winter. Somehow the shame of my parenting is the only thing keeping me from laughing now. I'm laying on the couch where I'm drifting in and out of sleep, and I awake to see my daughter dancing in front of the television in a pair of shorts, a tank top, one of those winter hats with the flaps that come down over your ears with the ball on top, some sunglasses and a toy microphone. Into the microphone, she's shouting out letters and numbers. Apparently  SuperWhy had long since stopped playing on the DVR and the screen went back to CNBC. She's shouting out stock ticker prices.

"A-A-P-L 5-3-1-9-7"

It's actually kinda funny, not just because she looks like Homeless American Idol, but because she actually has stock in Apple. I started her portfolio when she was born. So, her few shares of Apple are apparently down to 531.97. Maybe she was waking me up because she wanted me to dump it. Relax, I bought it at $250. You're doing better than most.

I'm learning today that the hardest thing about parenting is discipline. I don't mean disciplining them. I mean, disciplining yourself. She's addicted to Ritz Crackers. She'll eat a whole roll if you let her. So today she tried to con me into some. I said no, so she asked for a banana, knowing that the open roll of Ritz Crackers was sitting right next to the bunch of bananas. When I gave her the banana instead, she fell out. Then she wouldn't eat it. So I made her go stand in the corner.

Do you know how hard it is not to laugh at a child dressed up in a pink winter hat, with a yellow tank top, peach pants and holding a microphone? Especially when the kid starts fake crying into the microphone. When I came out of the bathroom she was standing in the corner hugging herself saying, "It's okay. It's okay. Hug!" Then she started kissing her own arm. Who are you talking to?

She looked back up at me and I did my best not to laugh. "I said stand there and be quiet!" Then I had to turn around real quick so that she couldn't see me laughing.

I'm a horrible parent.