A friend of mine wrote a blog post questioning the Doing Me attitude of our generation. She referenced her grandparents 50-year marriage and how people no longer court or even seem to try to have any semblance of a monogamous relationship. To that I ask, Is marriage outdated?
Forget what you learn as a little kid about people reaching a point of love so intense that it explodes into the desire to change last names and buy matching rings. The origin of marriage is more deeply rooted in business than in amorous expression. Fathers set up marriages between their kids in exchange for dowries (money), treaties and to build relationships with other territories and nations. Now poor people got in on the act to stay afloat. Back then women were treated like shit so they fell under the authority of their new husband. Basically you kept his name going by having kids and you raised the kids.
Now, women go to college, they get real jobs and they put their nose to the grind everyday fighting to prove themselves equal with the men in their office who get paid more. That doesn't leave a lot of time for a family. I've been married eight years, take it from me, you put yourself second when you have a family. I think that this is why a lot of people have the Doing Me attitude. Basically, you still want sex and companionship, but none of the restrictions that come with it. I gotta say, I can't hate you for that. I was always the marrying type. I wanted a big family and I wanted to marry young. But not everyone is cut from the same cloth.
I think that if you can find someone who shares your ideals then go for it. What I do have an issue with is stringing someone along as if you reciprocate their desire for commitment. Also, I take issue with people who ignore the clear warning signs of such people. Perhaps before sex you should get together and write a mission statement, sign a promissory note or do something other than fall for the, He/She is a great person and after one date I just knew I'd found the one.
No, dumb ass!
I think I'll write a beginner's guide to avoiding being played. I don't have the time right now, but it's coming.
I don't think marriage is outdated. I think that we as in the ones in their late 20s-mid30s were raised in a "I'm not going to teach/raise my kids the way I was raised, I'm going to let them figure it out on their own" era. Although most of our parent's parents were married and I'm sure encouraged marriage, our parents didn't preach or even practice marriage because it wasn't "necessary" because you can (should) be independent. Everyone is so independent that we no longer see the sanity or even the need for marriage.
ReplyDeleteDo you think that this is a problem that will work itself out over time or do you see it getting progressively worse? If your logic holds true then these people will do even less to encourage marriage with their kids.
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