Come and Play, Everything's A-Okay

Going into Toys R Us with a child is a stupid decision in and of itself, but when you're a stay at home parent and you need something, what are you gonna do? I tried my best to zip through aisles with the stroller shade down so my daughter couldn't see anything. I found what I was looking for and went on a quest to find a price scanner.

I honestly thought I was in the clear when I lifted the shade up. Normally the markdown seasonal stuff is in the section with the price scanner. It's the end of summer. There was supposed to be snorkels and water wings and blow-up pool toys...any of that stuff that my one year old is too young to recognize and go bat-shit crazy for.

But the devil's hands are always busy and some things were moved that should not have been there. I scanned the price and heard my daughter make that "oooh" sound. The one that usually comes right before she tries to grab a knife, electrical socket or drain cleaner. Basically, the sound that translates in my head as, "Oh shit, what do you see?" I turned around and saw...

[caption id="attachment_1071" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="This is what hell looks like"][/caption]

It was like looking over and seeing a velociraptor or something. It just crept up on me and by the time I saw it, it was too late. The next fifteen minutes were spent standing in line eyeballing every employee searching for the one who wouldn't make eye contact, because I knew that he was the asshole responsible for what was now the official soundtrack of Toys R Us: my daughter screaming at the top of her lungs because Elmo, Abby, Big Bird, Grover, Oscar and the rest of the Sesame Street residents cost too damn much.

Mission Failed.