To the Right, To the Right

And now a word on irony...

When I was five, a sixth grader tried to beat my ass. While he was yapping away about what he was about to do...I was Chun-Li'ing his ass. I won. A few years later an eighth grader beat me up the fourth grade version of myself. Unfair fight, but oddly enough he hit like a girl. He threw enough punches for them to add up, but still it didn't really hurt. Even when I got jumped in the seventh grade by four grown ass men at the bus stop for my Polo coat, I felt very little pain.

It started with a "Come up out that coat, cuz." I kept walking. They ran up on me, hit me from behind and it was on. Sad part of this story is that I was walking with three other guys. They took off running. One of them actually stuck with me like he was gonna fight too just until the bus pulled up and he hopped on and wished me well from the window. I stood there, took the blows and did the best I could. In the end, they fucked up my coat, ripped the sleeves but I didn't run. I guess they got tired of hitting me cuz they just said, "Fuck this little nigga" and let me go. Even then, I walked away rather than run.

I'm not trying to sound like a bad ass. I'm no Black Dynamite. Like I said at the beginning...let's talk about irony.

All of those semi ass whoopings and I truly felt zero pain. Maybe I went to my "special place" or something like Fight Club but there was one fight that hurt like hell. Her name was Renee and she was like twelve or something. I was about nine or ten. We got into an argument outside of my church (of all places) and I don't remember what sparked it but her little 4 foot six, 90 lb frame was the perfect hiding place for the spirit of Iron Fist Joe Louis.

I said something like, "What you gonna do?" and all I remember seeing was this redbone fist coming my direction and connecting with my jaw. Then I heard a pop. Laila Ali hit me so damn hard that something in my neck snapped and my whole head was locked facing right. Do you have any idea how fucking embarrassing it is to go into Children's Choir rehearsal with the "stroke" look? It took three days and couple tubes of Ben Gay for the muscles to loosen in my neck so that I could face forward again.

I dropped outta the choir and skipped church for a few weeks. lol It's funny that you can get jumped by three grown men and not feel a damn thing, but one little girl can kick your ass.