What'd You Hit?

Another random memory:

Moral of the story: Buy a Mercedez.

Story:

One day me and my then-girlfriend were hanging out on campus when her friend Kelly (name changed to protect the innocent/guilty) offered us a ride back to my apartment. We hopped in and drove maybe a block before we started having a conversation about Kelly's shitty day. She'd just got back from her three hour trip home where she met a barrage of fucked up things:  Her doctor told her she had a urinary tract infection, she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her and she got two separate speeding tickets.

Not able to come up with anything else, I tried to comfort her with "it could be worse." She replied, "Today was fucked up, how the hell could it possibly be any worse." While that sentence was leaving her mouth, my face turned white. She was the kind of angry driver who would turn all the way around to look at the asshole backseat passenger who just said something that pissed her off. She turned around just in time to see exactly why my face went blank...A Mercedes Benz was sitting double parked in front of us while we were speeding down the street at about 50 mph.

CRASH!

It was like something out of cartoon where one character says something and then lightning strikes them. Her little 2001 Ford balled up like a soda can. The hood crushed in to the point that it shattered the windshield. The front doors couldn't open at all and the back doors opened just enough for me to slide out and onto the ground. I pulled those two through the back windows and we sat on the ground until the ambulance came.

The paramedics radioed for the fire department to come asap. The engine supports gave way and the entire engine block was sitting on the ground. Gas was leaking everywhere and the car was smoking. Luckily the fire truck came in time to throw down sand and some other mixture to keep the gas from igniting. That's when someone said, "We need to call the cops, this was a hit and run."

"What? No it wasn't."
"Well, then where is the other car?"

That's when this elderly Black gentleman climbed out of his 1980-ish Mercedez Benz and explained to the paramedics that his car was the second car involved in the accident. I don't remember everything that he said, but I remember one EMT calling out to the other one, "Hey, come here. You're not gonna believe this shit...this is the car that they hit!"

There was a single scratch about three inches long on the rear bumper on the Mercedez. Other than that, there was ZERO damage. As the police arrived, the two cops asked Kelly, "Can you describe the other vehicle that fled the scene?" That's when the fireman eagerly shouted, "Guess what..."

Six emergency personnel had a field day laughing and touching the Mercedes. A few of them took pictures of both cars. Kelly's had the engine sitting on the ground and was declared a total loss, while the Mercedez (that was rammed at 50mph with ZERO braking) had a single three inch scratch. The old guy got in his car, told us not to worry about the scratch and said that he hoped we were all okay...and drove off. After talking to the insurance company and getting checked out by the EMTs, we each walked to the bus stop to catch the bus.

The moral of the story...buy a Mercedes. Oh, and never ask how things could be worse.