...Long Live The Queen

I feel obligated to write something about my grandmother, but I have no idea what to write. She passed four days ago and I've been writing and deleting posts since then. For once it isn't cliched to say that words can't express what I feel.

My grandmother used to send me money in the mail. That's random, and I don't know why I'm writing about this. It just popped in my head and made me cry when I thought about it, so I'm "thinking out loud." I was in college and I'd get a letter, which I knew was from her because she had really bad penmanship. She also didn't care what greeting card she picked up. She just needed something to go in the envelope.

So I'd open up the letter and inside would be a card that said, "Congratulations Graduate" and inside she would scratch out the pre-printed message and write something like, "Hello Ordale. It's 2:35 on Wednesday. I hope you get this. Here's a little something for you. It's cold up here. I'm heading out to the store. -Grandma." But the message never ended there. It would almost always continue:

"I really hope I have the right address. I couldn't find the book that has your address in it, so if somebody besides Ordale gets this, I hope you go straight to hell!"

Along with the card, she either sent $5 or a money order for $25. It was the same every time, and every single time she wrapped the money (order) up inside a piece of aluminum foil. She was convinced that the postal service could detect cash in envelopes, but the aluminum foil would throw them off.

I don't really have a point to telling that story. Again, that was me thinking out loud. I really don't know what to say about her passing. Now that I think about it, maybe it's for the best. I've been trying to come up with the ultimate send-off, but while that may be appropriate for some, it isn't for me. A send-off is a way of saying goodbye. There's too much finality to it for my liking.

My brain works in odd ways, especially my memory. The slightest thing can set off a vivid recollection of an entire conversation that happened over 20 years ago. When you have someone that special to you who seemed to do everything in her power to be present in your life...that's an ultimate gift to have. I'm eating a Chips Ahoy right now and it's reminding me of the time we were in Safeway back in 1990 and I begged for... You get the point.

As long as I live, so does she. Normally I don't post people's names or pictures. Just because I've shunned anonymity doesn't mean they have. But, I don't think my grandmother's poltergeist will be too pissed if I declassify some things. After a two year long introduction (evidenced by the nearly 70 posts I've written about her), ladies and gentlemen I am proud to present my grandmother...Mrs. Louise Allen

[caption id="attachment_3561" align="alignnone" width="300"] Me and my grandma[/caption]