You Got the Juice Now

So yesterday I started telling you why I hate dogs. But I only gave you one example. Here's another. This one is a two-fer. It also teaches you how my grandmother taught me not to rely on anyone in an emergency.

Seven year old me is down on the National Mall with my grandmother. We went to one of the museums and were on our way home. There's an ice skating rink down by the Mall and, because I was only seven and stupid, I wanted to see what an ice skating rink looked like in the summer. Was it a swimming pool? Did the ice evaporate? I was full of questions back then. Because I was young and dumb. I believed in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy and parental protection...silly things. My grandmother lets me run off to go look at the rink, so I go into the little secluded-by-hedges area and see that there's nothing in the rink. Just plain old concrete. Mystery solved. I turn around to leave and what's in front of me?

Big ass dog.

It looked like a great dane mixed with a german shepherd. No owner in sight and it looked hungry. I stood still and tried to walk away. I felt like Warren G. They got guns to my head, I think I'm going down. I can't believe it's happening in my own town. If I had wings I would fly, let me contemplate. I glance in the cut and I see my homie...GRANDMA!!!!


I hauled ass. The dog was chasing me, but I knew that all I had to do was make it to my grandmother and she'd figure out what to do. After all, I'd heard stories about my grandmother beating up the neighbor's dog for attacking my mother when she was little. And, my grandmother always carried her Moses staff around because she was also afraid of dogs. I had like 100 feet to go and I was safe. This wouldn't be like the last time when I couldn't get to my mother because of that high fence.

This would be worse.

I get close to my grandmother to notice her waving at me. I think she's saying, Come here! I get closer and she's saying, GO THE OTHER WAY! DON'T BRING HIM OVER HERE! HE'S CHASING YOU, NOT ME! She takes off running the other way. My 60 year old grandmother outran me. And not slightly either. She dusted me.

And Dear Mama, you are appreciated.

So...abandoned, I just kept running. I figured that I'd rather get hit by a car than bit by a dog so I ran into open traffic and somehow managed not to get hit by a car. The dog stopped chasing me. With my grandmother nowhere in sight, I started walking home. I lived about 25 blocks away, but it was daylight and not bad walking weather, so I started walking. About twenty minutes later, who do I run into? My grandmother.

I knew if you got away you'd have to come this direction to get home because I know you know how to get home from down here.

No apology. No discourse on how she might have overreacted. She actually said, Next time something is chasing you, don't ever lead it back to people you care about.

Duly noted.