Random thoughts and observations that weren't appropriate last week, but I find funny now...
*Sooooo my grandmother died while she was in the hospital. How exactly should I respond to the "Satisfaction Survey" that the hospital sent her in the mail this week? It says that if she is unable to complete it, then a member of the family can do it for her. I just don't know what to put. "Level of care" On the one hand I'd give them a 10, but the overall goal was to make it home and if we're using her house as "home" and not "heaven" then...I guess I have to give them a 1. I think I'll skip it.
*She and I were on the same bank account because she was one of those old people who didn't trust "those ATM cards" and she no longer felt safe walking three miles home from her bank every week with "all that money" ($200). So anyway, I ended up on her account and after I put her obituary in the paper I got a call from the bank. Now it's a really small bank with only two locations in the world (both in DC). The lady said, "I just saw Louise Allen in the obituary section, and I had to call to see if that's the same Mrs Allen who used to come up here every week."
"Yes, I'm sad to say that it is." Now I expected some anecdote about my grandmother coming up and giving them hell because she didn't have a photo ID, but still acted like they should just know her since she's been a member since the 50s. Nope. The lady said, "Okay I was just checking. We have a lot of senior citizens here, so every morning I check the obituaries to see if one of our members has passed. I'll contact social security and have her deposits halted. Thank you...oh and my condolences."
*You don't really learn the business side of death until you serve as executor of someone's estate. For example...did you know that there are burial upgrades? I didn't know that caskets went inside of a burial vault. I thought they just lowered the casket into the ground. They actually lower it into a sealed container. That container was $1500 if I bought it from the cemetery or $995 if I got it from the funeral home. Who doesn't enjoy whistling the low prices smiley face song from the Walmart commercial whilst grieving? Upon hearing that I purchased the vault from the funeral home the SALESMAN at the cemetery (who works on commission) told me about the "dangers" of the cheaper concrete vaults.
"Some people don't know that the concrete ones flood during a storm. But a stainless steel one is waterproof and will keep your grandmother dry." I wanted to say, "I doubt that drowning is a concern at this point," but I held my tongue. Then we talked about mausoleums vs in-ground burials. Oh! And there are PREMIUM spots in the cemetery. Five rows closer to the road is an extra $500 automatically. If you want to be in a premium garden then it costs another $1500 or something like that. What makes it premium? "They have themes." Yep. Like a Disney resort, the cemetery has themes. The giant cross is "the garden of faith," while the big American flag is "The Garden of Service." Again, I held my tongue and didn't say, "Is the view any different from inside the casket over there? Will you move her if she doesn't like it over there?"
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