The 300 (Minus 60)

A while back I wrote a post likening my low white blood cell count to The 300. Yesterday I went in for a followup to see how many of them were still alive and if they'd perhaps enlisted new members.

They have not.

I like my hematologist, but she has a very strange bedside manner. She came in and immediately asked, "How are you today?" Normally, that's just a simple pleasantry. With her it was a genuine question that would be followed by a furled brow and further questioning.

How are you today?
Fine.
You don't feel sick or anything?
No.
Are you taking any medications?
No.
Nothing at all?
No.
No herbal supplements?
No.
Nothing from GNC? Maybe something you bought online?
No.
And you're not sick?
No.
Were you sick recently?
No.
Hmm. (Confused look)
Is something wrong?
(Deep breath) Well...

A lot of words came out of her mouth after that. I prefer to stick with my 300 analogy:
Draw blood from someone and you'll find an army of white blood cells. Draw my blood and you only get 300 guys, but they're Spartans. They can get the job done (expeditiously). Well apparently Sparta is going through it's own sequestration and defense cuts must have caused them to lay off some guys...like 20%.

We're now the 240!

I know it doesn't have the same ring to it, but I'm trying to stay positive here. So was my doctor. For the record, I think I'm doing a better job than she was.

Okay, so it's not like you have cancer or anything. I mean, I can't guarantee you'll NEVER get it, but for now you're okay. And I mean I really believe this is benign, so you should be fine. [insert awkward pause and furled brow...again] It's just...I've never seen the number this low. And you're sure you feel okay?

At that point I did feel a slight pain in my chest where the confidence in my health used to be. She told me about a procedure they could do to see if I have bone marrow (or enough of it or something like that). They'd give me steroids and then wait four hours to see if more Spartans would come running. I was all for that until...

But I mean, it really isn't conclusive and everything would still go back down. We'd just know that your body was capable of making more.

I then asked, But what if it doesn't make more? Could you... fix it or something?

No. We'd just have you come in more often. There really wouldn't be anything we could do, which is why I don't really see a point in doing it.

She took the next few minutes to reassure me that she thought I'd be okay. But...
With numbers like this, if you ever get a fever I would definitely rush to the emergency room. [insert blank stare from me]

Like, are we talking a high fever or...?
Anything over 100, I'd suggest you go to the ER.

Rather than explain how much my ER copay is, I just decided to regale her with my tales of surviving past fevers. She was astounded.

Wow. With these numbers? Well, just use your best judgment I guess.

I'd like to thank my grandmother once again for all of her home remedies (baking soda, ginger ale and Go somewhere and sit down! ) I have no doubt that her concoctions gave the 300 240 the strength to protect me.