Put It In A Love Song

Ever so often my wife emails me song lyrics usually prefaced with "This reminded me of you." She must really like her job, because she can listen to love songs as she works (not too unlike the seven dwarfs whistling while they work). Her emails always make me feel like a schmuck, not because I usually have to listen to a rap song to keep going (Y'all gon' make me lose my mind up in here, up in here), but because I can never think of anything to send back to her. It's not for lack of trying. I listen to a lot of music, but nothing ever really seems to compare to what I have on my heart to say.

It probably sounds snooty, but I don't think anyone else is qualified to write my feelings. They're too strong, too innumerable. I'd have a better chance finding someone who's counted all the stars in the sky. Now that's not to say that some people haven't come close. I remember putting Stevie Wonder's Overjoyed in a mental placeholder back in high school. It was in a slot labeled, "This Is How I Want To Feel When I Meet The Woman I'm Gonna Marry." And when I first met my wife, I played that song over and over. "Though you don't believe that they do, they do come true, for did my dreams come true when I looked at you."

And around the time we got married, I really started playing it on repeat. People dropped out of the wedding while other people said we were too young (21 years old), or hadn't known each other long enough (3 weeks). Common's "The Light" could've been an equally good choice, "It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine." But I was on my Stevie Wonder kick and he said, "And though the odds say improbable, what do they know? For in romance all true love needs is a chance. And maybe with a chance you will find, you too, like I, overjoyed, over-loved over you."

But that was nine years ago and my feelings have grown so much that I really don't feel like someone else can get the job done. I know what you're thinking, "Well, write it yourself." I can't sing worth a damn and my poetry sucks. And no, "It isn't the thought that counts." I've seen plenty of tone deaf ex-crackheads get up and sing a song during their testimony in church to thunderous applause that are rife with pity, because the person sounds like a goat going into an epileptic seizure. I won't do it.

Sadly, what usually ends up happening is absolutely nothing. Inaction. While I'm scouring the internet for something--anything--that I can send, too much time elapses and the moment has passed. If I'm lucky I just send back a simple "Duh, I like you too." But if I could just write the concept down and have someone else with talent write it, and then maybe get someone else to sing it...that would be perfect.

My song would talk about how she has the nicest, most unassuming personality. She's so happy and loving that it's almost a stark contrast to my personality. My friends thought she was crazy for marrying me. "He curses everyone out...everyday...just for sport. He's grumpy and pissed off all the time. He has to be in charge of everything and doesn't trust anybody. RUN! Save yourself!" What they didn't get was that she was my base in every sense of the word. She neutralized my acidic personality. She's my foundation. She's a source of refuge where I can feel comfortable being myself. I don't feel guarded all the time or like I have to assert myself. I never felt judged or inconsequential.

She made me feel what all of those saps in the romantic comedies felt. And as cliched as it sounds, she made me want to be a better person. To this day we have never had a loud raucous argument and I have never cursed her out or disparaged her in anyway. I've never respected or admired or trusted or invested myself into anyone (not even myself) the way I have her. I can't explain what causes it. I can't explain what it is about her specifically that unravels me and weaves me back together. All I know is that as egotistical or self concerned as I may have been, I willingly put her wants before my needs.

That's a very long song. I don't know who the hell could possibly write it.

I don't write this sappy kind of stuff often for two reasons. One, it's annoying to constantly hear about someone else's relationship. Two, if you found a diamond mine would you go around telling everybody where it is? I just figure that until I find someone to write that song for me, I gotta do something besides sending an email back with a smiley face in it. "Thank you, :-)"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faD3YF0zhNg