844

Okay, so I didn't win that Mega Millions jackpot. I was holding out hope that maybe I was suffering from a case of temporary amnesia and had forgotten that I went to Baltimore or Kansas and bought the winning ticket. It's cool though. It's not like I haven't won the lottery before.

I started playing the lottery when I was about five. My grandmother used to go around the corner to the liquor store everyday to play the Pick 3. I knew what "box 50 cent, 50/50 one dollar and straight 50 cent" meant by the time I was five years old. So one day I was in the store and told her to play a number. She didn't listen, even though I told her that it was going to win. A few days later we were back in the store and a man walked up to her and told her that he overheard me talking to her a few days ago and he put a dollar on my number both straight and boxed. He won a good amount of money. He gave me five dollars for being good luck…then he asked me to give him another number to play.

After that, I was the Black Buddha of the family giving out lottery numbers. One day I told my grandmother to play 844. She played it and we waited until the numbers were drawn that night. Sure as hell, 844. She won $80 and we split it. My mother still owes me that $40 because she borrowed it to put towards her car note. That was 1990, so the interest on that is about $7,000 (I don't have my calculator handy. That's strictly off the top of my head) So if you're reading this mother, I accept cash or pre-paid Visa.

Anyway, I retired from Lotterizing (Lottery+Prophesying) after that. Then I dusted off the old crystal ball in '93. My school was going on a ski trip and my mother said she didn't have the $50 for me to go. On the night before the last day to pay, I asked to borrow a dollar and asked her to buy me a lottery ticket. I played good old 844 and two hours later I sat in front of the TV and watched them pull 4-4-8. I yelled, "I won $80, I won $80! I can go on my trip." My mother responded, "You won $40. You borrowed a dollar from me remember. We split it. I'll loan you the other ten so you can go on your trip."

Accounting skills, like gambling, run deep in my family. I conceded her demands for half my winnings since I knew I couldn't claim the money anyway because I was only ten and once again I retired from lotterizing…that is unless I sleepwalked to Kansas or Baltimore and bought a Mega Millions ticket two weeks ago.