Did You Watch The Oscars?

Here's how the post-Oscars discussion usually goes down in my inner circle:

Me: "The Oscars came on yesterday."

Person: "For real? Anybody I know win?"

Me: "That black lady from The Help won."

Person: "Antwone Fisher's mother?"

Me: "No, the other one. The bigger lady. You know the one. She's in a lot of commercials and tv shows. She always looks like someone you'd see in church."

Person: "Oh, her! Anybody else?"

Me: "Nobody Black."

Person: "Did Brad Pitt or George Clooney win?"

Me: "No, some other dude."

Person: "What was the Best Picture?"

Me: "The Artist."

Person: "Who's in that?"

Me: "No clue."

Person: "What's it about?"

Me: "No clue. It's the one in black and white. I wanna see it, but Imma wait for it to go to Redbox."

Person: "That's why I don't watch the Oscars."

Me: "I didn't watch it either. I read about it this morning."

Person: "The only time I watched it was when Three six mafia won."

Me: "Oh that was the day I cut up my Black card."

Person: "What!?"

Me: "I was more offended that they even nominated that damned song. It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp??? So I quit the race. I needed a sabbatical. If that was the image of our music streaming into White American homes then I needed to distance myself from that shit."

Person: "You stupid."

Me: "Unlike when Denzel and Halle won in the same year."

Person: "That shit will never happen again."

Me: "I know, right! Still though, that was a proud moment. None of us expected either one of them to win, and when she got it first we were like, 'Better luck next time, Denzel. They'll never let both of yall win."

Person: "Then he won too."

Me: "Right and my whole dorm went crazy. It was like the Superbowl. People were yelling in the hall. 'THEY WON, THEY BOTH WON!"

Person: "I remember that."

Me: "That was the pre-Obama Obamiracle! Not only did I take out my Black card, I had that joint framed and wore it around my neck."

Person: "You stupid!!!"

Me: "I signed up for the Platinum Black Card...called that joint the Midnight Super Slave Blue-Black Card."

Person: "You going to hell."

Me: Probably. But yeah, the Oscars are kinda boring now that you know that it's possible for us to win.

Person: "Yeah."