Child Abuse?

Did anyone else see this on the news? An Alaska woman has been arrested for disciplining her seven year old son by making him drink hot sauce and take cold showers. Apparently the lady was on Dr. Phil where they showed a home video that she submitted when she asked for help. That video has been used as evidence to charge her with child abuse. If convicted she can face up to a year in prison. My only question is...

When the hell did the bar for conviction lower to hot sauce and cold showers???

This must be something new because during the 80's my mother and grandmother played Passion of the Christ with my little ass and NOT ONE legal aide made me aware of my rights. Hot sauce and cold showers? (In my Clay Davis voice from The Wire) Shiiiiit! Man, first off we poured hot sauce on every damn thing from pork chops to chicken to fish to Capn Crunch. You pour hot sauce in a Black kids mouth and the only reason he's gonna cry is because you didn't bring some meat to go along with it. As for cold showers...When the gas got cut off and no one had money to turn it back on, every bath was a cold bath. My mother told me to just think of it as going to the pool.

Now I know what you're thinking. "That's different than purposely causing your child harm. You liked hot food, and your family was broke and couldn't get hot water. This woman intentionally hurt her child." You know what I have to say to that? Bullllllshit! One time I asked my mother to take me to the fair. She told me she didn't have any money. I knew she had money because by six years old, I knew her payroll schedule. When I brought up the fact that it was the fifteenth, she gave me the Black mother's line: "Boy, you got one more time!" So being tough I said, "That's okay, I'll ask my father to take me."

My mother turned into Maximus from Gladiator. I've never run so fast in my life. I ran a full block down the street. I then ran up ten steps to the front door. I opened the door, and closed it behind me. I ran up 19 steps to my room and hid under the bed. I did all of this in like three and a half seconds. I lie to you not... my mother was underneath the bed waiting for me with a belt when I got there. With one hand she lifted the bed up, with the other hand she yanked me from under the bed and somehow while simultaneously holding the bed and me she somehow grew another arm which she used to beat my ass so bad that I started hearing African drums beating in the distance.

Where the hell was Child Protective Services then?

They sure as hell didn't come when my grandmother broke out what she called a "switch" but was really a small piece of the crucifix. My grandmother would beat me with whatever was available at the time: House slipper, mixing spoon, iron cord. One time she got mad at something I did and ran over to my hot wheels race track. I thought she was taking it apart as kind of a, "You can't play with this til you get yourself together." Nope. Mattel didn't say anything about putting two of the long pieces together and making a nunchuk out of em. You know you have skills when you can beat someone's ass with a church fan in the middle of a sermon.

So with these memories fresh in my mind...No, that woman shouldn't be arrested.

To the Alaskan police: I'll trade you that lady for two women here in DC.