What the hell is this?[/caption]I know she's only three, but this is the worst Halloween score ever. Now granted, my feet were hurting and I was tired, so we only did two blocks, but still there is no excuse. When I was her age I could've hit up a diabetic wing of a retirement village and gotten a better take. Who is this kid?
We went up to houses where there were Reese's, Snickers, and M&Ms. She picked the York Peppermint Patty. WHO TAKES THE PEPPERMINT PATTY!? One woman told her she could have two pieces, she only took one. I just stood there with the Joe Jackson smile. "Thank you so much. Have a good evening!" That's what my mouth said. My eyes said, "I'm putting you up for adoption tomorrow." Ike Turner said it best, "Tell her if she miss a step tonight, she gonna be frying fish tomorrow."
She's out the family.
I remember one year I dressed up as Superman. I WAS Superman. I embraced that ish. We left at 6:00 and I didn't come back home until 10:30. My feet hurt. I was about six or seven. Of course they hurt. That cheap ass mask was soaked with sweat and condensation from my breath. My tongue had that red ring around it from me scratching it against the tiny slit where the mouth was. Hell, I think I lost the cape somewhere between my house and Hechinger Mall. But guess what...Superman doesn't quit. I didn't come home until I had three grocery bags full of candy.
I knew what the deal was. My mother was going to check my candy, and long before I'd ever hold a retail job I was well aware of the concept of "shrinkage." There was no way in hell that all of those Snickers looked tampered with. But that's the cost of doing business with the mob. I overcompensated for her protection money.
But that was me and my hustle. This little girl has none of that.
A peppermint patty. Really?
What's wrong with kids these days?
[Sidebar: I'm going to chaperone my first field trip today. Pray...a lot.]
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