And I Am Telling You

Someone said that if I couldn't post then I should at least explain why. (It's nice having at least one fan who isn't married to me)

There is no post today because everytime I start typing, a small hand comes out of nowhere and hits the keys. Attempts to distract this hand with images of Dora the Explorer or The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse have been unsuccessful. Even that last sentence took a minute to write and I type about 90 words a minute. Now there's a foot on my laptop and giggling in the distance. This is a Macbook Pro and these things are expensive so someone is about to be put up for adoption. (I kid, I kid.)

I can talk and type about my life all day, but there are forces beyond my comprehension that will not allow me to do so. The force is about three feet tall and expresses itself in loud noises and tears. Perhaps the force feels ignored when I pull out the computer, or maybe it's just influenced by Loki and wants to cause mischief. I don't know. What I do know is that I want my child to live and her health and safety depends on her not putting her foot on my laptop or trying to pour her sippy cup onto the keyboard which she seems to be trying to do at this moment.

I know that some of you are thinking, "Just type when she's asleep." Mischief never sleeps. Now she's bringing the tub of shea butter to me and banging it against my foot. No sooner than I grabbed the shea butter, I hear her in the kitchen opening the cabinet doors. She is so fast that she is both in the kitchen and in the living room AT THE SAME TIME.

Maybe it's a built in safety feature. This baby is neglect-proof. I know people who sit around playing video games while their kids just stare sadly at the floor in the background like, "Daddy, love me." Not this one. She cannot be neglected because she's willed it to not happen. She WILL have my complete attention or she'll tear this entire house apart. Right now she's standing in front of my PS3 with her sippy cup singing Jennifer Holliday...

"And you, and you and you...you're gonna love meeeeeee!"