The Circle of Life

It's late and I need to go to sleep, but I gotta get this out or I'll never get any rest:

What the hell is up with all of those animal rights people crying and breaking down over the cops shooting those animals in Ohio?

For those of you who don't read the news, a gentleman in Ohio ran a wildlife reserve and apparently stocked up on random animals. This gentleman then decided to go out with a bang by killing himself. Before doing so though, he freed all of the animals.

Now, if these were chipmunks, chimps and maybe a few dogs then I could see it being jacked up that the cops shot the damn things. Even I'm not that heartless. There were 56 animals in total. Notable animals include:

18 Bengal tigers
17 Lions
6 Black Bears
2 Grizzly Bears
Wolves
Mountain Lions...

In one description the paper wrote, "Officers were forced to shoot one tiger when it became agitated after being shot with a tranquilizer." Anything with claws, fangs and the ability to outrun me is already scary. Add to that the fact that instead of falling down, it became "agitated" when shot with a tranquilizer, and you have my unconditional support to shoot it.

Some argue that the animals were frightened and just defending themselves. Riiiiiight. I wonder what a lion does when it's afraid of something. Probably the same thing it does when it's hungry. It can outrun you, out jump you and should your out of shape ass suddenly find the strength and agility to climb a tree, guess what...It can do that too. The Lion King has confused a lot of our generation. That wasn't Mufasa, devoted father and Darth Vader soundalike, out there. That was something that could easily take out a daycare full of children and it wasn't alone. There were 17 Mufasa's, 18 Tony the Tigers and a shit load of Baloos.

You wanna be mad at someone, be mad at the asshole who freed them before killing himself.

Random Thoughts

Things I could be doing right now:
Playing NBA 2K12
Watching my DVR'd Modern Family
Taking a nap

What I'm actually doing:
Watching Dora the Explorer and letting the baby feed me pre-chewed Gerber Cheese Puffs out of her mouth.

Sidenote:
You don't notice how dirty your house is until your toddler gets into that "discovery" phase where they bring you random things they find on the floor/under the couch: Old cheerio, rubber band, twisty tie. Someone has a future in Forensics.





 

 

RIP Steve Jobs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc&feature=relmfu

1-800-ABCDEFG

So I'm sitting at my computer yesterday when my daughter thrusts her ABC book into my stomach cavity and produces a series of grunts and velociraptor sounds which, in her language, means, Read this before I throw this Elmo phone through the flat screen TV!

So I proceed to open the book and she quickly flips through the pages, not letting me read any, so that she can get to the alphabet chart in the back. She points to the letter A and says, Ay! I almost had a damn heart attack. It's like the lottery, every parent hopes they win a genius child. Not just a smart kid, anybody can have one of those, but to actually have a fourteen month old who can read...I can just see people holding banquets in my honor, like...how did you do it?

I must've scared the poor baby half to death yelling out, YES, YES that is an A. What's this one? She jumped back, dropped the book and her eyes started watering up. While I'm trying to calm her down and reassure that she didn't do anything wrong, I'm also breaking out my phone so that I can record it and put it on Youtube. (Good Morning America, here we come!)

So, the camera's rolling, I pick up the book and we go at it again. She points at the first letter and says, Ay!
(My baby's a genius).

Then she points to the H and says, Ay!
(Phonetically, H starts off sounding just like A. As in Ay-CH. She's one, so maybe she just says it like that.)

Then she points to the N and says, Ay!
(...)

She looks up at me with so much hope, like all of her future self esteem is riding on me reacting the same way as I did the first time. The little people who live in my head and tell me what to do called an emergency meeting. Do I correct her and inadvertently crush her self esteem setting in motion a chain reaction that ends with her at "The Pole?" If I don't correct her will I be setting her up for a false sense of accomplishment that will eventually be stripped away on the first day of preschool when the kids laugh at her for not knowing her ABCs and thus leading to a life of crime and drugs that inevitably end at "The Pole?"

(I now know what it must feel like to be the President.)

I clapped, picked her up and gave her a big kiss.

You're so smart! How'd you get to be so smart? That is Ay...letter called N!

No One Man Should Have All That Power

Rumble, young man, rumble.
Life is a trip, so sometimes we gon' stumble
You gotta go through pain in order to become you
But once the world numbs you, you'll feel like it's only one you...
Do you have the power to get up out from up under you?

I've been listening to this song a lot lately. My childhood is unique in the sense that I was given a lot of freedom very early. As unbelievable as this sounds, my grandmother used to give me the choice of whether or not to go school each day...starting in kindergarten. I was basically the Black Little Man Tate. I filled out my own permission slips, signed my mother's name on those school registration forms each year and used to go through my grandmother's bills for her back in elementary school.

Now I'm not saying I had my finger on a nuclear button like the president, but that kind of freedom and power in the hands of a kid is a double edged sword. On the one hand, I became an adult around thirteen. On the other hand, I don't have the luxury of blaming any of my problems on anyone. I'm responsible for my successes and my failures. The latter is why I've been listening to Power (Remix) so much.

Do I have the power to get from up under myself?

I've never had to listen to anyone. There's never been a real authority figure. If I didn't like something, I just stopped associating myself with it. That went for friends, extracurricular activities, jobs and college. In a lot of ways, I'm a success story--at least for my demographic: No jail, no kids out of wedlock, went to school, you get the point. But that's not enough for me, at least not anymore.

I look in the mirror. My only opponent. (From another song

Some of my failures are the result of my not having to do anything I didn't like. I realize that sometimes you have to get out of your own way. I could sit and quote rap lyrics all day, but I'll just use one more to drive home my point.

Do you have the power to let power go?

Cheers!

Here's what I'm looking for:

[caption id="attachment_1143" align="aligncenter" width="483" caption="Technically, I'm not lying"][/caption]

Would it be wrong for me to buy a set of AA keychains off Ebay and carry them around? I'm 29 and I don't drink. That makes me a social leper to just about everyone I know. One of two things happen:

A) I'm not invited to any event because everyone assumes that just because I don't enjoy drinking, then I must have a moral problem with the concept of people drinking. (I don't)

B) I'm invited to stuff but introduced as the person who doesn't drink at which point The Church of Alcoholism sends out missionaries to explain to me that I just haven't found the right church home (drink). After turning down multiple requests to just try what I'm drinking, people secretly gather to discuss how they won't invite me to anything else because I'm no fun.

Sooooo... I propose something totally different. How about I get some AA keychains and show up to these parties, invited or not, and the minute someone asks me what I'm drinking I'll pull out my keys and tell them how I'm taking it one day at a time. That's not wrong, is it?

Is Marriage Outdated?

A friend of mine wrote a blog post questioning the Doing Me attitude of our generation. She referenced her grandparents 50-year marriage and how people no longer court or even seem to try to have any semblance of a monogamous relationship. To that I ask, Is marriage outdated?

Forget what you learn as a little kid about people reaching a point of love so intense that it explodes into the desire to change last names and buy matching rings. The origin of marriage is more deeply rooted in business than in amorous expression. Fathers set up marriages between their kids in exchange for dowries (money), treaties and to build relationships with other territories and nations. Now poor people got in on the act to stay afloat. Back then women were treated like shit so they fell under the authority of their new husband. Basically you kept his name going by having kids and you raised the kids.

Now, women go to college, they get real jobs and they put their nose to the grind everyday fighting to prove themselves equal with the men in their office who get paid more. That doesn't leave a lot of time for a family. I've been married eight years, take it from me, you put yourself second when you have a family. I think that this is why a lot of people have the Doing Me attitude. Basically, you still want sex and companionship, but none of the restrictions that come with it. I gotta say, I can't hate you for that. I was always the marrying type. I wanted a big family and I wanted to marry young. But not everyone is cut from the same cloth.

I think that if you can find someone who shares your ideals then go for it. What I do have an issue with is stringing someone along as if you reciprocate their desire for commitment. Also, I take issue with people who ignore the clear warning signs of such people. Perhaps before sex you should get together and write a mission statement, sign a promissory note or do something other than fall for the, He/She is a great person and after one date I just knew I'd found the one.

No, dumb ass!

I think I'll write a beginner's guide to avoiding being played. I don't have the time right now, but it's coming.