I wonder who was the first person to say, "Hey, why don't we all put on matching jackets. grab some clipboards and go ask people for money in front of the subway!" I remember back in the day when "The Clipboard People" (Clipboardians?) would only ask you to sign a petition. Now they want your credit card information. They seem very well organized as a whole in the sense that you never see two different groups at the same station on the same day. I guess they have a calendar or something. Greenpeace on Mondays, Planned Parenthood on Tuesdays. Politely telling them that you're not interested doesn't work so I've been trying different methods. Here's my experience this week:
Greenpeace person: Hello sir. Do you care about the environment.
Me: Not really.
Planned Parenthood: Good Morning! Do you support the idea of a woman's right to choose?
Me: You're really asking me that while I'm pushing a stroller with a screaming chid in it?
United Way: How are you today? Do you have time to save a life today?
Me: (Pointing at the stroller) That's what I'm trying to do right now.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tribute to the Unknown Soldier
I was sitting in Panera Bread the other day when a family came in. The mom was pushing the double stroller and went straight to the tables while the dad ordered the food. I could see the stress written all over the guy's face. He had that look of defeat that only another parent would understand. I know how bad it is trying to go out in public with just one toddler. He had twins.
Poor guy. He had to be in his early thirties but his hair was already starting to gray. The five o'clock shadow and wrinkled clothes said that he didn't even care anymore about his appearance. He kept his head down so not to make eye contact with anyone who might see the tears he was probably trying to keep back. I wanted to make eye contact with him, you know? Let him know that I understood. Maybe salute him or something.
Then he started walking my direction. His torso was no longer obscured by that wall-thing that separates the booths from the line. That's when I realized it was worse than I ever could have imagined. He was wearing a Baby Bjorn. It wasn't twins. It was triplets. He glanced at me briefly as he passed by me...as I wept for us both.
Poor guy. He had to be in his early thirties but his hair was already starting to gray. The five o'clock shadow and wrinkled clothes said that he didn't even care anymore about his appearance. He kept his head down so not to make eye contact with anyone who might see the tears he was probably trying to keep back. I wanted to make eye contact with him, you know? Let him know that I understood. Maybe salute him or something.
Then he started walking my direction. His torso was no longer obscured by that wall-thing that separates the booths from the line. That's when I realized it was worse than I ever could have imagined. He was wearing a Baby Bjorn. It wasn't twins. It was triplets. He glanced at me briefly as he passed by me...as I wept for us both.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Checkmate.
Soooo we were in the pediatrician's waiting room today waiting for a flu shot when I made the stupid decision to give my daughter my iPhone to keep her still. Even though she was younger than every kid in there, they were somewhat (how do I put this?) siddity and I didn't want her to Fight Club any of them.
They called me up to the counter to sign some papers and I left her in the chair as she dazzled the people sitting around us by knowing how to unlock it, tap the photo app and swipe through pictures. All of a sudden I heard music playing. I could tell by the smiles on their faces that they didn't know what song it was else they would've given me a harsh look right away. Instead the women around her were smiling like, "Oh that must be her favorite song." I tried my best to sign those forms as fast as possible and get that phone outta her hand before the chorus came in.
I failed.
Their adoration turned to admonition as Kanye West blurted out:
Pop champagne. I'll give you a sip
Bout to go dumb. How come?
Yeah that's my bitch!
Yeah that's my bitch!
Shorty right there? That's my bitch!
What made it so bad is that I don't even like that song. It just happened to be the one that came on after New Day, which I do like. So in addition to being judged for a song that I don't even listen to, my daughter makes it worse by clapping and shouting, Yay!, while the song is playing. I can't help but wonder if she actually enjoyed the song or if she was applauding herself for a job well done as she'd exacted revenge for my not allowing her to go play with the other little kids.
You can't beat a chess-playing mind with a checker-player's mentality. I bet my daughter planned this from the minute I told her to sit down next to me.
They called me up to the counter to sign some papers and I left her in the chair as she dazzled the people sitting around us by knowing how to unlock it, tap the photo app and swipe through pictures. All of a sudden I heard music playing. I could tell by the smiles on their faces that they didn't know what song it was else they would've given me a harsh look right away. Instead the women around her were smiling like, "Oh that must be her favorite song." I tried my best to sign those forms as fast as possible and get that phone outta her hand before the chorus came in.
I failed.
Their adoration turned to admonition as Kanye West blurted out:
Pop champagne. I'll give you a sip
Bout to go dumb. How come?
Yeah that's my bitch!
Yeah that's my bitch!
Shorty right there? That's my bitch!
What made it so bad is that I don't even like that song. It just happened to be the one that came on after New Day, which I do like. So in addition to being judged for a song that I don't even listen to, my daughter makes it worse by clapping and shouting, Yay!, while the song is playing. I can't help but wonder if she actually enjoyed the song or if she was applauding herself for a job well done as she'd exacted revenge for my not allowing her to go play with the other little kids.
You can't beat a chess-playing mind with a checker-player's mentality. I bet my daughter planned this from the minute I told her to sit down next to me.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Money Aint A Thing
Up until a few days ago, I really didn't know much about the NBA lockout except that both sides were arguing about how much of the "too much money" they'd get to keep. Now, I'm a little more informed and my views have changed a bit. The lockout basically boils down to this:
The players want the revenue to be split 50/50. Revenue. That's the word of the day. Revenue is how much money comes in the door whereas profit is how much money you have left after all expenses have been paid. The owners pay expenses. They players do not. So basically the owner's beef is that they don't want to split the money evenly if they're left to foot the bill for everything else. Not all teams are profitable, so it is possible that after the players walk away with 50%, the owners are left spending more money to keep the team going than they actually made that year.
In all honesty, I think it is silly that someone gets paid millions of dollars to play a game. But I don't think the solution is simple as some people would argue. If you pay athletes less money, then that money would simply shift to the pockets of the owners and other people who make a living promoting professional sports. It bothers me when people pretend like its the athlete's fault that they make so much. It's society's fault as a whole.
Basketball shoes cost about $125 on average. NBA 2K12 on PS3 and X360 is $60. Decent seats to a game start in the hundreds, while jerseys and hats aren't cheap either. Don't even get me started on those Total Access Cable Packages. These aren't arbitrary numbers pulled out of a hat. There are marketing strategists in every business that have their finger on the pulse of consumer spending who can determine to the penny what the average person is willing to spend. The only reason this stuff costs so much is because people are willing to pay it and the NBA gets a chunk of the revenue from every item sold.
They wouldn't build multimillion dollar stadiums if people weren't willing to pay big money to sit in it and have a crappier viewing experience than if they watched from home. We're in a recession and they're still making bank. The fault is with us. Sports have an intrinsic value in society. They're our source of escape. They give us reasons to gather together in a bar to cheer with strangers, they bring excitement and adrenaline rushes to our self-imposed monotonous and often mundane lives. We rally behind and cheer for athletes who become our champion each season. When they win, we win. Do they deserve millions of dollars for that? Apparently we think so.
The players want the revenue to be split 50/50. Revenue. That's the word of the day. Revenue is how much money comes in the door whereas profit is how much money you have left after all expenses have been paid. The owners pay expenses. They players do not. So basically the owner's beef is that they don't want to split the money evenly if they're left to foot the bill for everything else. Not all teams are profitable, so it is possible that after the players walk away with 50%, the owners are left spending more money to keep the team going than they actually made that year.
In all honesty, I think it is silly that someone gets paid millions of dollars to play a game. But I don't think the solution is simple as some people would argue. If you pay athletes less money, then that money would simply shift to the pockets of the owners and other people who make a living promoting professional sports. It bothers me when people pretend like its the athlete's fault that they make so much. It's society's fault as a whole.
Basketball shoes cost about $125 on average. NBA 2K12 on PS3 and X360 is $60. Decent seats to a game start in the hundreds, while jerseys and hats aren't cheap either. Don't even get me started on those Total Access Cable Packages. These aren't arbitrary numbers pulled out of a hat. There are marketing strategists in every business that have their finger on the pulse of consumer spending who can determine to the penny what the average person is willing to spend. The only reason this stuff costs so much is because people are willing to pay it and the NBA gets a chunk of the revenue from every item sold.
They wouldn't build multimillion dollar stadiums if people weren't willing to pay big money to sit in it and have a crappier viewing experience than if they watched from home. We're in a recession and they're still making bank. The fault is with us. Sports have an intrinsic value in society. They're our source of escape. They give us reasons to gather together in a bar to cheer with strangers, they bring excitement and adrenaline rushes to our self-imposed monotonous and often mundane lives. We rally behind and cheer for athletes who become our champion each season. When they win, we win. Do they deserve millions of dollars for that? Apparently we think so.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The Circle of Life
It's late and I need to go to sleep, but I gotta get this out or I'll never get any rest:
What the hell is up with all of those animal rights people crying and breaking down over the cops shooting those animals in Ohio?
For those of you who don't read the news, a gentleman in Ohio ran a wildlife reserve and apparently stocked up on random animals. This gentleman then decided to go out with a bang by killing himself. Before doing so though, he freed all of the animals.
Now, if these were chipmunks, chimps and maybe a few dogs then I could see it being jacked up that the cops shot the damn things. Even I'm not that heartless. There were 56 animals in total. Notable animals include:
18 Bengal tigers
17 Lions
6 Black Bears
2 Grizzly Bears
Wolves
Mountain Lions...
In one description the paper wrote, "Officers were forced to shoot one tiger when it became agitated after being shot with a tranquilizer." Anything with claws, fangs and the ability to outrun me is already scary. Add to that the fact that instead of falling down, it became "agitated" when shot with a tranquilizer, and you have my unconditional support to shoot it.
Some argue that the animals were frightened and just defending themselves. Riiiiiight. I wonder what a lion does when it's afraid of something. Probably the same thing it does when it's hungry. It can outrun you, out jump you and should your out of shape ass suddenly find the strength and agility to climb a tree, guess what...It can do that too. The Lion King has confused a lot of our generation. That wasn't Mufasa, devoted father and Darth Vader soundalike, out there. That was something that could easily take out a daycare full of children and it wasn't alone. There were 17 Mufasa's, 18 Tony the Tigers and a shit load of Baloos.
You wanna be mad at someone, be mad at the asshole who freed them before killing himself.
What the hell is up with all of those animal rights people crying and breaking down over the cops shooting those animals in Ohio?
For those of you who don't read the news, a gentleman in Ohio ran a wildlife reserve and apparently stocked up on random animals. This gentleman then decided to go out with a bang by killing himself. Before doing so though, he freed all of the animals.
Now, if these were chipmunks, chimps and maybe a few dogs then I could see it being jacked up that the cops shot the damn things. Even I'm not that heartless. There were 56 animals in total. Notable animals include:
18 Bengal tigers
17 Lions
6 Black Bears
2 Grizzly Bears
Wolves
Mountain Lions...
In one description the paper wrote, "Officers were forced to shoot one tiger when it became agitated after being shot with a tranquilizer." Anything with claws, fangs and the ability to outrun me is already scary. Add to that the fact that instead of falling down, it became "agitated" when shot with a tranquilizer, and you have my unconditional support to shoot it.
Some argue that the animals were frightened and just defending themselves. Riiiiiight. I wonder what a lion does when it's afraid of something. Probably the same thing it does when it's hungry. It can outrun you, out jump you and should your out of shape ass suddenly find the strength and agility to climb a tree, guess what...It can do that too. The Lion King has confused a lot of our generation. That wasn't Mufasa, devoted father and Darth Vader soundalike, out there. That was something that could easily take out a daycare full of children and it wasn't alone. There were 17 Mufasa's, 18 Tony the Tigers and a shit load of Baloos.
You wanna be mad at someone, be mad at the asshole who freed them before killing himself.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Random Thoughts
Things I could be doing right now:
Playing NBA 2K12
Watching my DVR'd Modern Family
Taking a nap
What I'm actually doing:
Watching Dora the Explorer and letting the baby feed me pre-chewed Gerber Cheese Puffs out of her mouth.
Sidenote:
You don't notice how dirty your house is until your toddler gets into that "discovery" phase where they bring you random things they find on the floor/under the couch: Old cheerio, rubber band, twisty tie. Someone has a future in Forensics.
Playing NBA 2K12
Watching my DVR'd Modern Family
Taking a nap
What I'm actually doing:
Watching Dora the Explorer and letting the baby feed me pre-chewed Gerber Cheese Puffs out of her mouth.
Sidenote:
You don't notice how dirty your house is until your toddler gets into that "discovery" phase where they bring you random things they find on the floor/under the couch: Old cheerio, rubber band, twisty tie. Someone has a future in Forensics.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
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